Healing & Mending My Heart

The past couple of days have been super tough....Lots of tears, & sadness. Not the best couple of days. Well this evening I was hanging out with some friends of mine, and we needed something to do. So we decided "Hey! Our youth pastor & his wife just had a baby! Lets go visit them!" So we headed over to their house, and walked into a room full of people. Family and friends surrounded them! A friend of theirs Carissa had Baby Parker. When we walked in she brought him over and handed him off to Jeff. Ang & Phill walked us to the other living room so we could sit and talk while taking turns holding little Parker. While watching Jeff cradle the little 5 day old baby, I was thinking to myself how hard it was going to be to hold baby Parker, because of losing Addison just weeks before. When Jeff was done holding Parker, he asked me if I wanted to hold Parker. I said yes, expecting to break into tears. I took baby Parker, and rocked back & forth. Staring in to his precious face, loving his little hands, his nose, and little eyes. The sadness and pain all just up and left my body. It was quite surprising. Instead of being filled with pain and sadness, I was filled with peace and happiness. I prayed over Baby Parker, and asked God to never let anything ever happen to that precious bundle of Joy. And that he would grow up to be a man after Gods own heart. I then turned around and handed Parker off to Ellyn, which was not an easy thing to do! Considering my love for small children :) I was able to take a deep breath and just be happy for a moment. It was a nice feeling! I am really thankful that God used something that I lost, to bring happiness and Joy into my life. He used baby Parker, to put a REAL smile on my face! I am still happy and it has been hours since I held that precious child! God is truly amazing and used a 5 day old baby, to touch my life.

Philip, Angela & Parker :) The Engle Family!

I am truly blessed and always will be!

Lots Of Love,

Today...

Today when I was feeling really down, and wishing I weren't alive and breathing. I got to thinking that it is selfish for me to be thinking like that. It's like I am wishing away my future, my husband, kids, there is so much I am wishing away because of suffering that doesn't even come close to what Jesus Christ went through for me. A sinner in this world. (Not to say I shouldn't morn the loss of my little sister,But instead of letting it consume me make good out of it) My pain compared to His is like comparing a thorn in the foot, and loosing an arm...! I am going to try and be happy through the sadness and look to the future. Think about how happy my husband will be when he see's my smiling face on our wedding day. How happy our kids will be that I am alive and healthy and here to care for them. How happy people will be that I am here to be a friend. So many things to look forward to in life. Jesus, I love you...Thank you. You have opened my eyes. Made me happy, shot the devil down once again. You are truly one amazing savior.... <3

Love your, daughter Alyssa.

Giving Christmas To Annie And Bekah

Hey there everyone :) So I am doing a fundraiser over at Saving Angels for two GORGEOUS little girls, Anastasia & Rebekah. I have three items up for grabs right now! Entree fees ($5-1) ($20-5)
All of the money raised will be divided in half and half will go to Anastasia & the other half to Rebekah! So far we only have on entree of $20 dollars. Could we make the chip in amount raise? Even just $20 dollars more!

Lemme tell you a little about Baby Rebekah.
She turned 2 at the beginning of this year, in January. She has a heart defect, she has an open oval window of 4 mm. Better yet She NEEDS a family someone to save her before she reaches the age of 5. I know the her fifth birthday isn't close, but lets not let it get close. lets give her a family before her next birthday!





And now the little that I know about Anastasia.
Anastasia S.
Date of Birth: July 2007
Gender: Female
Eyes: Gray
Hair: light brown
Character: easily tired, calm


...This is all of the information there is about poor Annie. Because she is a 4 year old who no one has taken the time to love on and get to know. I would kill to be able to love on her! End of next year she will be transferred to a mental institution where she will live the rest of her life. She will be heavily medicated, and tied to a bed....All.Day.Long. She most likely wont survive her first year. Lets saving Annie, and Bekah. lets give them a better chance at life. If you would donate just $5 dollars it would mean the world! So head over to Saving Angels, and help save these little girls.

Alyssa.

Something To Ponder.

As my family and I were sitting in the living room for family prayer before bed, I got to thinking.
We have prayed for many families who have lost, siblings, children, moms and dads, aunts and uncles. We prayed for healing and comfort, and for the pain to ease even just a little. We didn't quite understand there pain. So it was an easy prayer to pray. But eventually that prayer faded as if their sadness,pain,depression,sorrow,anger, and loneliness had all just suddenly disappeared. As if they didn't need that prayer. But since going through loosing Addison and realizing how every thought I have she is there. Every breath I breathe, every blink of my eyes, every step I take my emotions change. From being sad to angry at God for taking her. To Depression and wondering how life could possibly go on, to just balling my eyes out. Realizing how that prayer is still needed and always will be needed. How many times during the day I text friends, and other Godly women and ask for prayer, peace, and comfort. I now realize what the other families go through. For example a family my mom knows the Proud family, a year ago they lost there daughter Rebekah who was almost 2 years old. Or the Kligmann family who lost there 12 year old daughter Rachel 3 years ago. The Potvin family who lost there 9 year old daughter Ellie to cancer who had a twin named Grace. There are so many families who have big wholes in their hearts, because they have lost someone who meant so much. They now realize how delicate life is and how we need to cherish every week,day,hour,minute, and second. Life is to precious to waste. They all need prayer and comfort. The memories of that loved one is still there, a reminder. The happy moments, filled with laughter, smiles, and kisses. Then there is the day we all wish we could forget. The day they all went to be with Jesus. The day no one wants to remember. There are so many psychical reminders that we all wish weren't here. A pain that will never completely go away, but will only with time loose some of it's edge.

When I think of the morning, we lost Addison...I wish I weren't alive, I wish I were in a deep sleep that I will never wake up from. Nothing can make it go away, with everything I do she is in my mind. I just wish she were here. Prayer is something NEEDED in this time and for the rest of my life there will be many countless time that I will ask for prayer for this situation. I am going to make it a point to keep those families in my prayers. Show them the unconditional love I have been shown in this time.

God is all knowing and all powerful. We may not know why he takes our loved ones, or what good will come out of it. But that is where faith, and trust kick in.

Thank you to all who have prayed for me and my family in this time. If you would all keep the families I listed in your prayers and lift them up, ask for comfort peace and joy for those families.

Lots Of Love Alyssa.

A Blessing A Day Keeps The Sadness Away: My Twin

Now let me tell you about my twin... She is the absolute single handed-ly best twin in the world. She always makes me happy when I'm down. And the conversations we have are so funny! I can tell her anything... Literally anything at all. I have never met her in person...but yet we are long distance best friends :) Kaitlyn! She is an amazing Jesus loving teen <3

I love you soooooooo much Twin <3

Love me!

A Blessing A Day Keeps Sadness Away: Music

Today I am thankful for Music. I have no idea where I would be with out it! It helps me when I am sad,angry,confused,bored,tired, and when I just need something to dance around and be happy to! I like pretty much all of the genres of music. Except blues and jazz. It's all pretty amazing and we can use it to praise God. What could be better? :) It is something that I am SUPER thankful for. :)

Thank You Jesus For Making Music!
Love, Me!

Alyssa :)

A Blessing A Day Keeps Sadness Away: My Camera

So I am going to start making post about things I am blessed with.

Today I am going to write about my camera. That is how I view the world is through my camera. I like to capture everything...Every little thing, all of Gods creations, the beautiful flowers, trees, birds, children,smiles, and Laughter!
There are so many amazing things you can do with a camera. I am so blessed to have the talent of photography. God surely has blessed me. I am so thankful to be able to use those gift that God has provided me with for good things. I have a photography Business called "By Grace Alone". I have done a few photo shoot for friends of ours. Still kinda nervous to do it fr complete strangers but hey! I'm gonna have to do it someday! :) I truly love my life and everything thing in it! Thank you Jesus!


Alyssa.

I hate this distance

From my outward appearance I look like I am doing great and holding it together. But on the inside I am in a million little pieces so many pieces that I don't think I could ever be put back together. I am to tired and exhausted to cry. I don't want to go to church on Sunday because of the millions of questions I will be asked. And the never ending hugs. But I guess I am gonna have to face it one day. Life is never gonna be the same. I hate the distance between me and my little sister. This is a never ending distance. I just want you in my arms. I want you here to snuggle with me. I want you to nap on my chest. There are so many things I want but that I will never get. I wish I had you here with me. Looking at the bright side of things is getting so tiring. :'( I don't want to do this anymore.




I love you Addie...Love...Sissy.

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Something Horrible happened. I woke up Monday morning to my dad telling me that my baby sister passed away while still in my moms tummy it was only 3 days till moms due date. For 2 hours the only thing I could say was "no". I wanted this to all be a dream. I couldn't loose my baby sister. It just couldn't be real. Unfortunately it was. All day Monday I just cried and cried. I didn't know what else to do. I was praying for a miracle and hoping that when she was born her precious heart beat would be back. But it wasn't in His will. I don't understand what His reasoning is for this or why it had to be a precious baby. At about 9 O'clock Monday night Addison was still born. When my dad texted me to tell me I just started balling. There were many tears. My Big sister Beka was here to hold me as well as my older brother Luke. Ellyn was here too. My friends have been an amazing support to me. I was so exhausted and needed sleep. Beka left at about 10:30 pm that is when I went to bed. The next morning we loaded all 9 kids up and headed over to the hospital. When we walked in to the room. Tears filled everyones eyes. Poor Addison so lifeless and helpless. Only a few of us held her. Then Luke took All of the kids home I stayed at the hospital with mom dad and Addison. I held her for an hour and a half. I didn't want to give her up or put her down. This isn't how it's supposed to be. She is supposed to be here in my arms. My parents aren't supposed to be at the funeral home. It felt so wrong leaving her at the hospital. So wrong. I'm homesick for heaven and I wish I was in Heaven with Addison. There were so many things I looked forward to doing with her. That I will never get to do now. Right now Life sucks. I want my little sister, I want her in my arms. That is all that I want.

Addison, I love you more then you will ever get to know. heaven has one beautiful angle. I don't know why this had to happen to you. I wish I knew but I don't I love you baby girl.
Love sissy.

Addison Ruth Goodhue, the whole time I held you I was praying that God would just let your little eyes open and for a breathe of air to come into your lungs. :'(

You are the single most perfect little girl in the entire world.

Addison...I love you so much and will NEVER EVER forget you. EVER.

Love Sissy.

Thankfulness.

Being thankful for everything I have is something I have learned lately. Before I learned... everyone of my status' was "Today sucked" or "Gahhh!" Or "This sucks!" I was hardly ever grateful for anything. I had quite a selfish attitude. Lately when seeing how little Baby K has I have become so much more thankful for everything I have. The love I receive, knowing the love of a a hug and a kiss...just little things now mean the world to me. So today I challenge you to be thankful for something. Thank God for a blessing in your life. Ask yourself this question..."What if you only had tomorrow what you thanked God for today?" Ponder that.

A truly grateful girl,
Alyssa


I am thanking God for this little blessing!

Born To Be Blessed Give Away! :)

Everyone should head on over to 4Girls4Christ.blogspot.com and enter the give away! :) Money goes towards an amazing cause! :)

My Sister

My older sister... Her name is Beka. I am so glad that she is in my life. She is always there for me, and I can tell her anything!! She is the BEST. I have had so many fun times with her. She is great fun, and I know that no matter what we will always be close and even though we may have arguments every now and then we can always fix things. Beka... I love you a lot. And even though you are going to insist you love me more. You don't! She has helped me be not as shy and a bit more outgoing I guess you could say. Break out of my shell. :)

I love you Beka! I'm a Unicorn!

~LyssaBoo

Just some pictures :)

My Brother.

My Older brother Luke is the best! I love hanging out with him and going places with him! He is the best! A great young man who loves Jesus :) When people ask me what I look for in a man I say that I want a man exactly like my older brother Luke. I know it is going to be hard to find but know that God has someone out there that will meet my needs :) It is gonna be so very sad when Luke move out here in a couple of years but he always has a place in my heart where he will stay! I love you Luke! <3

Rebel for Jesus.

To the world I AM a rebel. Reading my Bible Talking to the God of the Universe. Praying and trusting something I can't see. But the thing is even though I can't see him I can see his works and his creations and I can have faith in Him Because I know that no matter what he has a plan. A great friend of mine Beth, said " Sometimes you have to go through the fire to come out even more beautiful then before." And it's true. sometimes things may seem bad but there will come something greater at the end of your suffering.

Life is great. Mom is expecting another little one in September! :) Everything with Friends is wonderful! God is truly GREAT! He has done so much in my life. One thing I have learned is sometimes God takes things that we care about away to give us even greater things in life. And I am ok with that. I am putting everything in Gods hands and letting Him be in control. I am ready and willing to be used in any way that He needs me. I am a warrior of God and I am ready to fight this fight and WIN! I am gonna look evil in the eyes and say "You don't own me! I have something GREATER and BETTER then before." I have grown so much in my Relationship with Jesus Christ. It has really helped me in many areas in my life. And some great friends of mine that I have met recently Jeff and Beth have been such a BIG help. God is awesome and I am gonna head to bed :)

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