Monday, September 26, 2016


It's been a long while since I've written anything.  I'm never sure what to write about as my life is not that exciting, but recently there's been a whirlwind of events that have broken my heart in more ways than one.  I really don't even know where to begin, but I guess anywhere is better than nowhere.

I made it to Texas.  I showed up to my campus, unpacked, met my fellow classmates (whom I fell in love with), went to the welcome dinner, slept, did the first full day of orientation classes, packed up my bags and came home.  Yes, I left that second night.  I made it through one day and I knew in my heart that, for whatever reason, that wasn't where God needed me. I'm still devastated. I don't understand one ounce of God's logic behind this and everything in me wanted to ignore His promptings and stay in Texas.  I didn't want to come home and everyday I wish I was in Wylie learning and preparing my heart for the outreach that is coming.

While I've received so many beautiful messages and words of support I know that many people wonder how I could make the decision to come home when I had only been there two days.  I cannot explain it, but when you know God is giving you direction it's best you listen.  Growing up my parents always reminded us of the story of Jonah.  Jonah was going to Ninevah, whether it be by land or in the belly of the whale...He was going to go where God called Him to go and obedience makes it easier. Sitting in Texas, in the humid morning heat, reading my Bible through tears, with this nagging in my heart, I knew I wasn't where God wanted me.  I faught it. That day I tried to ignore it, I tried to reason with myself, but I knew when I called my mom and told her how I was feeling that Texas wasn't in God's current plans for my life.  I knew, and I absolutely dreaded that I knew.

I'm at a loss, because I feel lost. I feel directionless, I feel like my life has come to a screeching halt and I've ended up back home in a town that I'm less than fond of.  I've been home a week and every morning, every afternoon, every night, I have questioned what God is doing because it can't possibly be beneficial for me. I cannot even fathom why He would send me somewhere, just to bring me home. It breaks my heart, honestly.  I've been hopefully anticipating this DTS for a year, the money for the first half came in over-abundance and I actually set foot on the campus I'd only dreamed of, why would He bring me home?

I have no answers. Some have suggested that maybe He needs to grow me in an area before He can send me out, others have said there has to be something here that I need to accomplish and that's why He brought me back.  I really don't know.

This isn't the update I was wishing to write.  I was hoping to write exciting new updates from my dorm bunk bed, while surrounded by new friendships that were waiting to bloom, giving you guys my excited and hopeful thoughts while relentlessly fighting off the anxiety I'd be feeling from being in a new place. But alas, I'm in Arizona, surrounded by familiarity and family, being taken off leave at work and placed back on the schedule, feeling heartbroken and lost.  I'm sorry, that this isn't as joyful as you'd all hoped. I want to be real with you all because you've supported me over the years on my many endeavors and have offered nothing but wisdom and encouragement. But I will gladly covet your prayers and words of encouragement over these next few months as I have no direction for what is next.

And as I have had to learn many other times in my life - if He takes, still I will praise.

With love,

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Faith, Trust, and Texas.

I'm learning trust on an entirely new level.  It's always easy to just give little bits to Christ and keep the parts you think you can control, attempting to bring yourself some peace...which always ends in chaos.  I almost decided to not attend my Discipleship Training School.  I was devastated, but was convinced that with my health issues, that I would never be able to do it.  I've been doubting my abilities a lot recently, letting my health issues limit what I think I'm capable of.  I've been keeping little bits of things to myself instead of surrendering them to Christ.  This DTS being one of those things...I figured if I could make it easier on myself and just let go, then I wouldn't have to fully lean on Christ to not only provide healing, but also the finances to get me to Texas and back.

Kayla, one of the staff members at the Wylie Campus talked with me and I truly believe that Christ spoke through her.  She not only spoke (or I guess typed) words of healing, and encouragement, but she also spoke truth.  The reminder she gave is one that I needed: The enemy will use my weakness (my health/finances) to keep me from where God is asking me to go.  By making me feel as though my health issues are bigger than my God, or my lack of finances are bigger than my God, the enemy has me defeated...but in Christ, who is bigger than finances, health issues, and self doubt, I am set free and can do the impossible through Him who gives me strength.

I am excited for my DTS in September. EXCITED.  I'm practicing leaning on God in and through these obstacles, giving Him room to work and show is great glory.  I'm still weary and worried that the money may not come, but as Kayla also pointed out...the Wylie team prayed over my application and consulted Christ and truly feel that this DTS is where God wants to send me.  They didn't make this decision to accept me on a whim, they prayed together and followed the Holy Spirits guiding.

I have faith...weary, worried, shaken faith...that Christ will provide in big ways for this opportunity.

With love,

Monday, January 11, 2016

I Got Accepted!!!

Guess what?

I've been accepted into the 5 month long Children At Risk Discipleship Training School with Youth With A Mission!! I will get the opportunity to spend three months in Wylie, TX studying topics like: Having Jesus' Heart for The Poor and Needy, as well as having daily prayer times, and devotionals.  I'm so excited to have this opportunity to learn, grow, and build relationships with other believers.  I'm looking forward to God growing me, and pushing me outside my comfort zone to minister to others.

After the first three months, which is called the "Lecture Phase", my team and I will set out on the 2 month long "Outreach Phase" which will take place in another country.  I wont know which country until the first weeks of schooling, but I'm excited to pray along my other team mates and choose the country that God lays on our hearts! 3 Months away from my family, in another state, learning, growing, and being stretched in ways I never thought possible, 2 months with my team (by that time they'll be like family) in another country, new cultures, experiencing the things that break God's heart, seeing hard things, and being exhausted beyond belief, will be a very trying and life changing experience.

I'm looking forward to expanding my relationship with Christ, and my knowledge of the God that I serve.  He has a plan and purpose for everything, and I am excited to see what He has in store for me and what lessons He longs to teach me through this program.

I would like to invite you to pray for me and my future team, that God would prepare our hearts for all that we will be taught during this 5 month long program.  Pray that He would mold us into individuals that have a likeness to Him.  Pray for fiances, as this schooling program will total out to $8000, and though I am working to provide some of that money, I know that my part time job wont bring in the amount I need.  I know, that if this is where God wants me He will provide the money necessary to get me to this school.  But I am only human and still have worries and doubts, so prayer for peace and assurance would be gratefully accepted as well!

If you would like to support me financially you can do so through the Youcaring located on the right hand side of the blog named "Alyssa's YWAM DTS".  I am grateful for any and every amount that is given!  God can take any gift and multiply it, as long as we're ready to trust that He can do the impossible!

Cost Break Down:

Lecture Phase: $3450
This will cover my room, and board, meals, and DTS program related transportation during the school.  (I have a $350 housing deposit due August 19th that will be deducted from this number.)

Outreach Phase: $4000
This will cover airfare and any other fees that need to be paid while in another country.

Other Costs: $550 
This will cover things such as washing and drying close, and other expenses while in TX.

The first half of my fees are due upon arrival on September 18th, 2016.  The fees for my airfare are due over Thanksgiving, and the last portion of my fees are due on December 16th. While I have time to raise the last half of my fees, my goal is to have everything raised and ready to go before  my school starts. Only because I worry about everything under the sun and don't want to be panicked/worried during the schooling that I my not raise the last half of my fees and I also want to be able to focus fully on the tasks in front of me, instead of worrying about the financial side of things.  Make sense?

I am so excited to see what God has in store for me on this journey!  I really hope that you all will stick around to see the ways that God works through me to spread His love to others and transforms my heart to look a little more like His.  

With love,