Have you ever gazed back at photos, videos, or memories and wished that you could be that person again? The happy, the joy, the contentment, the direction, if only you could have that back. To no longer feel adrift, straying down a path you know you should not be on, to be found? I have been in this season of desiring my former self, the person I was a year ago before I made decisions to trek along this lonely path that has lead to spiritual self destruction.
My own self destruction has lead to mountain sides that feel far to steep to climb. But as Jesus welcomes the prodigals son with open arms, He too welcomes me.
I strangely relate to the prodigal son, because I ran deliberately. Though we may differ in one small way - I knew what I was doing, I knew that good would not come from my actions but I was broken...really broken. Now I realize a common theme in the girl who used to be, that theme was Jesus. Jesus had drastically changed my life and made it good, He gave me joy in the everyday, He gave me hope, and He fueled my passions. With Him I had purpose, without Him I am lost.
If I have cultivated anything over this past year, it is this: even in the seasons where we are adrift, Jesus is still present. I know this because I felt Him nudge, I felt Him push, and I resisted. I ostracized myself from anything and anyone that had to do with religion, I decided I was done. He was silently there guiding me in the rebellious path I had chosen.
See, Jesus doesn't leave. He stays even when we continuously leave Him, with arms open wide, full of grace, mercy, and forgiveness, He welcomes us home.
Restoration has been my word recently as I am restoring my relationship with Christ. But I also feel that we could all use restoration in many areas of our lives. Restoring our joy, purpose, focus, mindset, friendships, mental health, physical bodies, it is all so necessary.
I hope that if you soak up anything from my vulnerability that it would be this: You are never too far gone, Jesus will not ever close the doors on you, you can always come home, and you are always loved.
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