I hate this distance

From my outward appearance I look like I am doing great and holding it together. But on the inside I am in a million little pieces so many pieces that I don't think I could ever be put back together. I am to tired and exhausted to cry. I don't want to go to church on Sunday because of the millions of questions I will be asked. And the never ending hugs. But I guess I am gonna have to face it one day. Life is never gonna be the same. I hate the distance between me and my little sister. This is a never ending distance. I just want you in my arms. I want you here to snuggle with me. I want you to nap on my chest. There are so many things I want but that I will never get. I wish I had you here with me. Looking at the bright side of things is getting so tiring. :'( I don't want to do this anymore.




I love you Addie...Love...Sissy.

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Something Horrible happened. I woke up Monday morning to my dad telling me that my baby sister passed away while still in my moms tummy it was only 3 days till moms due date. For 2 hours the only thing I could say was "no". I wanted this to all be a dream. I couldn't loose my baby sister. It just couldn't be real. Unfortunately it was. All day Monday I just cried and cried. I didn't know what else to do. I was praying for a miracle and hoping that when she was born her precious heart beat would be back. But it wasn't in His will. I don't understand what His reasoning is for this or why it had to be a precious baby. At about 9 O'clock Monday night Addison was still born. When my dad texted me to tell me I just started balling. There were many tears. My Big sister Beka was here to hold me as well as my older brother Luke. Ellyn was here too. My friends have been an amazing support to me. I was so exhausted and needed sleep. Beka left at about 10:30 pm that is when I went to bed. The next morning we loaded all 9 kids up and headed over to the hospital. When we walked in to the room. Tears filled everyones eyes. Poor Addison so lifeless and helpless. Only a few of us held her. Then Luke took All of the kids home I stayed at the hospital with mom dad and Addison. I held her for an hour and a half. I didn't want to give her up or put her down. This isn't how it's supposed to be. She is supposed to be here in my arms. My parents aren't supposed to be at the funeral home. It felt so wrong leaving her at the hospital. So wrong. I'm homesick for heaven and I wish I was in Heaven with Addison. There were so many things I looked forward to doing with her. That I will never get to do now. Right now Life sucks. I want my little sister, I want her in my arms. That is all that I want.

Addison, I love you more then you will ever get to know. heaven has one beautiful angle. I don't know why this had to happen to you. I wish I knew but I don't I love you baby girl.
Love sissy.

Addison Ruth Goodhue, the whole time I held you I was praying that God would just let your little eyes open and for a breathe of air to come into your lungs. :'(

You are the single most perfect little girl in the entire world.

Addison...I love you so much and will NEVER EVER forget you. EVER.

Love Sissy.

Thankfulness.

Being thankful for everything I have is something I have learned lately. Before I learned... everyone of my status' was "Today sucked" or "Gahhh!" Or "This sucks!" I was hardly ever grateful for anything. I had quite a selfish attitude. Lately when seeing how little Baby K has I have become so much more thankful for everything I have. The love I receive, knowing the love of a a hug and a kiss...just little things now mean the world to me. So today I challenge you to be thankful for something. Thank God for a blessing in your life. Ask yourself this question..."What if you only had tomorrow what you thanked God for today?" Ponder that.

A truly grateful girl,
Alyssa


I am thanking God for this little blessing!

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