Recently I have been dwelling on the fact that I don't have a "busy" life. Meaning other then school, chores, and caring for the little ones, I spend the majority of my time at home. I don't typically hang out with friends, seeing as my "friends" are quite different from me. Don't get me wrong I love em, but we don't exactly mix well. Anyways! I just couldn't figure out what God's reasoning was for all of this. It didn't make sense to me. I always thought that fellowship, was something God thought was grand and that we all needed. So when I grew apart from most of my close friends I was confused.
Last night I opened chat with a long distance friend of mine, that I have never actually met IRL (In Real Life) we became friends through our passion to advocate for orphans and our love for God. I told her my heart and how I was feeling, I was looking for some advice and I look up to her. She said that sometimes God pulls things (Or in this case people) out of our lives to open up more space for things we should be focusing on.
Today while praying about the things my heart and mind should be dwelling on, God revealed some things to me, somethings that have been on my heart for months and others that I had never thought about.
One of them being modesty, and the purity of my heart. If I'm looking for a guy, that is fully dedicated to God, strives each and every day to do nothing more then please His creator. He most likely wont be looking for a girl, who can be easily influenced by others opinions, and in some cases will change who she is to make others happy. If I want to be in the running for a guy like that, then I need to be that kind of girl. One that is stable, ready to be there through everything, and has a focus on God that is strong as ever. It's something that I need to work hard on.
The second thing being, preparing myself to spend the rest of my life with someone. So yes, marriage. I know I'm
only 16, I know most people think I
shouldn't be worrying about this. But in reality I should. Ever since I was little I have always wanted to get married at the age of 18, which now days people think you are insane for that. I want a big family and feel that if I ever want to catch up to the Duggars I should start early. ;) No but really, my whole entire life I have desired nothing more in life then to be a wonderful wife to a fantastic man, and a mommy to many kids. In the past year and a half that want has intensified, now that my eyes are open to the extreme need of homes for special needs kids overseas. So now not only do I want many biological kids, but saving the lives of kids who were given up for being different has just made my want even stronger. International adoption takes a long time, and even with bio kids, 9 months isn't the shortest amount of time. ;) Preparing myself now, to be someones Help Meet, is important especially with the desires God has put in my heart.
I feel Him laying it heavily on my heart recently, I'm not sure why, maybe He plans to bring my "Other Half" to me soon and start building that relationship, or maybe I just have a lot to learn before then. But no matter the reason, it's what I feel is right in my heart, and it's what I believe I'm being asked to do. So I will obey, and begin praying for transformation of my heart and mind.
