Let Go, Give In, and Turn Back

Photo Cred: Struse Photography

Regardless of how far we fall, we are never too far gone.

This I have learned over the past week, though it really begins three months ago when I began to fall away from Christ. If I'm being honest there is something that pulls back in side me when I talk about this, because I never in a million years thought that I would question my faith.  I have always had a pretty sound (or so I thought) view on who Christ is.  Over the past three months I have grown to shy away from anything that relates to my religion, I wasn't reading my Bible, I didn't go to church, I didn't pray, I stopped everything.  I didn't see a point and became bitter towards it all. Many words could describe the way the atmosphere changed...but I think that the word dark is a good fit.

When you live without Christ, you literally lose a light.  Everything seems purposeless, you have no greater hope to pour into when you need wisdom or direction, you have yourself and that is it.  It's a lonely place to be, but I think that the valleys - the dark, lonely, horrible valleys - are so important.  No, I don't think living a life lost in yourself and living selfishly is important, but I do think it is important to question what you believe and really grasp why you believe it.

Over these last few months I began to think that I would be okay to live the rest of my life lukewarm, halfheartedly giving myself to Christ, but mostly just doing what I wanted.  Because then I only had to answer to myself, I didn't have to do scary things, I didn't have to follow "rules", I didn't have to attend church, I could stay where I was comfortable and live my life the way I had planned.  It seemed glorious in the beginning, to be in charge of my own destiny, until later on down the road when I realized how absolutely pointless and purposeless it was.  You walk through life with only yourself. Having a rough day and need some hope? Well you have yourself.  Discouraged because of health problems? I'm sure you would love to consult yourself for some encouragement. Having nightmares the keep you up? Be your own light because...well... you've shut out everything else.  It's lonely y'all, it's dark, it's not the place the be.

Now I don't say all of this to be negative because there is absolute positive that came from this.  I say this all to show that 1) Selfish living gets you know where. 2) It's OKAY to question what you believe, I'm actually convinced that in some way it's healthy. 3) You're not alone.  I believe in transparency, I think that it helps people not feel so alone to know that - hey, I'm going through that too.

But something that I don't think I realized before is that while it's optional for us to choose the path God has for us, His presence isn't optional.  Even when we walk away, push Him away, fight Him, choose other things over Him, He is still there with us.  He doesn't leave, even though we do. He is constant, He ask us to hard scary things because they are for our benefit and our good...not because He's not capable of doing them Himself, but because he doesn't want us to miss out on the growth.

He is there and He is waiting for us to give up and give in.  He'll reach down and pull us out of the valley, He'll help us make the trek back to the top, He'll remind us that we are valuable prized possessions of the God of the universe and all He ever wanted was for us to choose Him. Because He never left, He never abandon us, and He never stopped loving us. He pursues...over, and over, and over again.

Let go, give in, and turn back.