Surrender

I don't know that I've ever felt more at peace about a decision, than I do when continually say yes to returning to Wylie.

I was thinking about it the other morning, when I came home from Texas I was dead set on not returning, and never pursuing another DTS.  I convinced myself that it just wasn't for me and chose to focus on and pursue things like the Mexico ministry.  I remember right after I came home I committed to participating in 2 separate Mexico trips down to Casa (the orphanage we work with), I also remember a few weeks later being in tears because neither of them worked out.  I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do and it was eating at me.  There was also a point when I was absolutely sure that I was going to pursue nursing school.  I set out to be a Labor and Delivery Nurse, but literally walked into the community college, looked at the consultants office and walked right back out of the building.

I couldn't do it.  I couldn't pursue a college degree that didn't send my heart up in flames of passion, it just didn't feel right. I adore Mexico (with every inch of my tiny little heart), but God put road blocks in my way so that I couldn't pursue that either.  At the time I had absolutely no idea what He was doing, I was unhappy and angry with Him.  It didn't make sense to me why He would let me pursue and work towards something for almost a year, only to pry it from my hands as it was finally given to me.

Over the last several weeks I've come to see more and more that living a life of surrender means living life with our hands open and in a position of praise. God gives, but He also takes.  He knows what is good and what is better.  He knows when it's enough, and when we need more.  He knows when we're ready and when we still need time. See that was the thing...I needed time, my heart needed time, my mind needed time.  I wasn't ready for YWAM Wylie, God knew it was good...but He also knew that it would be better if He took it away and made me wait.  He gave me time, He gave me Himself and that was enough.  I learned and am still learning to live with open hands in a position of surrender.  He has continued to quiet my fears and clear my head of doubts, He has shown me that He has been eagerly pursuing me and that He wants me.  He has given me peace and spoken to my heart with a love song that has me swooning, He has romanced my broken heart back into relationship with Him and it is beautiful.

I am at peace with my decision to return to Wylie, because I know that God has so gently turned my gaze to Him so that I might choose the path that He has set out for my life.  I'm glad that He broke my heart and brought me home because otherwise I may have never seen Him.

With love,
Alyssa