I'm learning trust on an entirely new level. It's always easy to just give little bits to Christ and keep the parts you think you can control, attempting to bring yourself some peace...which always ends in chaos. I almost decided to not attend my Discipleship Training School. I was devastated, but was convinced that with my health issues, that I would never be able to do it. I've been doubting my abilities a lot recently, letting my health issues limit what I think I'm capable of. I've been keeping little bits of things to myself instead of surrendering them to Christ. This DTS being one of those things...I figured if I could make it easier on myself and just let go, then I wouldn't have to fully lean on Christ to not only provide healing, but also the finances to get me to Texas and back.
Kayla, one of the staff members at the Wylie Campus talked with me and I truly believe that Christ spoke through her. She not only spoke (or I guess typed) words of healing, and encouragement, but she also spoke truth. The reminder she gave is one that I needed: The enemy will use my weakness (my health/finances) to keep me from where God is asking me to go. By making me feel as though my health issues are bigger than my God, or my lack of finances are bigger than my God, the enemy has me defeated...but in Christ, who is bigger than finances, health issues, and self doubt, I am set free and can do the impossible through Him who gives me strength.
I am excited for my DTS in September. EXCITED. I'm practicing leaning on God in and through these obstacles, giving Him room to work and show is great glory. I'm still weary and worried that the money may not come, but as Kayla also pointed out...the Wylie team prayed over my application and consulted Christ and truly feel that this DTS is where God wants to send me. They didn't make this decision to accept me on a whim, they prayed together and followed the Holy Spirits guiding.
I have faith...weary, worried, shaken faith...that Christ will provide in big ways for this opportunity.
With love,
Alyssa
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I read you saying; " I've ended up back home in a town that I'm less than fond of."
ReplyDeletePerhaps that's way you were grouchy back. You were leaving this first time for a small partial selfish reason. To get away, move on, spread your individual independence. Not for the purpose the school was really for. To teach you how to help others. But now you are ready. You have experienced life 'out there' you know you can go and you have somewhere to fall back on. A home a family to come home to. An extended family to get back or five You what help you might need. You know you can go and God goes with you. He spoke just as easily to you in TX as in AZ. You learned to listen and obey even when it made no sense.
You are ready now.
I love you like mine own sweet girlie.