It's been a hot minute since I've written a post. I haven't felt like I've had much to say as I've been in a valley with my walk with Christ. As you all know I'm a big fan of transparency, I think that it helps others feel not so alone to know that we all go through rough patches.
Lately, I've been wrestling with where exactly I stand in my relationship with Christ and what exactly that relationship should look like. The beginning of the year I hit this place where I wondered what the point was if I had to make decisions on my own anyways, without truly knowing if it is indeed where God wanted me, why change things in my life if it didn't actually matter. But since hitting that rough place, or valley as some may call it, I have had the time to reflect and answer big questions to figure out exactly where I stand and what my relationship with Christ should look like.
I think that it is so absolutely important to not get caught up in the good deeds and good life choices, while it is vital that our lives resemble Christ I think far too many times we get caught up in acts/deeds. Our choices should reflect Christ, that without a doubt is so true, but I think it's also important to remember that there is absolutely nothing that we can do to be worthy of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us when He died on the cross. There is no action or lifestyle that can make us "good enough", which is why God's grace and wholeness is here...to make us enough. In Romans it talks about how we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, we all have mistakes, brokenness, discontentment, discouragement, failures, whatever it may look like...we all have it in some form.
But after much soul searching, question asking, soaking in answers and insight, I've come to realize that there is no specific image for my walk with Christ. Our walks with Christ all look completely different, as we're all in different seasons and God has different paths for each of us. We have to decide how our relationship with Christ should look, by reading the Bible and seeking Him He will reveal Himself to each of us and convict us how He sees fit. There are core values and principals, but God convicts each of us differently and it's up to each of us to pursue the Lord and follow the convictions He sends our way.
----
Trying to find my place is something else that I have fought with. I have always had a goal or path that I was pursuing and for the first time in my life, I had no direction. I was lost and discouraged. But lately, again after much seeking, praying, question asking, and soaking in answers and insight, I have learned something:
"The good news about Christ is that you don't always have to be doing something for Him. Sometimes He just wants to sit with you and hold your hand. He understands it when we're too weary to run full-out after Him." - E
My dear friend spoke directly to my heart. God gets it when we're just too weary, when we want to just be content working a part time job, soaking in family time, just being quiet. He gets it and He is okay with it. Sometimes that is the only thing that He asks of us, is to be quiet, to rest, to let Him work. To be here now.
I have decided that I am praying contentment over my life, I'm praying that even though God may not be asking me to pursue big things that I can still be content in the everyday, day to day life that He has so graciously blessed me with. I wish to be like Paul, to take my current life setting and be joyful in every moment, whether it's what I want my life to look like or not. I am only here to serve as Christ served and that may mean serving at my job while I make pizza for four hours. Whatever it may be, wherever it may be, Lord make my heart content in a constant state of surrender and praise, following your lead and releasing according to your convictions.
