Healing & Mending My Heart

The past couple of days have been super tough....Lots of tears, & sadness. Not the best couple of days. Well this evening I was hanging out with some friends of mine, and we needed something to do. So we decided "Hey! Our youth pastor & his wife just had a baby! Lets go visit them!" So we headed over to their house, and walked into a room full of people. Family and friends surrounded them! A friend of theirs Carissa had Baby Parker. When we walked in she brought him over and handed him off to Jeff. Ang & Phill walked us to the other living room so we could sit and talk while taking turns holding little Parker. While watching Jeff cradle the little 5 day old baby, I was thinking to myself how hard it was going to be to hold baby Parker, because of losing Addison just weeks before. When Jeff was done holding Parker, he asked me if I wanted to hold Parker. I said yes, expecting to break into tears. I took baby Parker, and rocked back & forth. Staring in to his precious face, loving his little hands, his nose, and little eyes. The sadness and pain all just up and left my body. It was quite surprising. Instead of being filled with pain and sadness, I was filled with peace and happiness. I prayed over Baby Parker, and asked God to never let anything ever happen to that precious bundle of Joy. And that he would grow up to be a man after Gods own heart. I then turned around and handed Parker off to Ellyn, which was not an easy thing to do! Considering my love for small children :) I was able to take a deep breath and just be happy for a moment. It was a nice feeling! I am really thankful that God used something that I lost, to bring happiness and Joy into my life. He used baby Parker, to put a REAL smile on my face! I am still happy and it has been hours since I held that precious child! God is truly amazing and used a 5 day old baby, to touch my life.

Philip, Angela & Parker :) The Engle Family!

I am truly blessed and always will be!

Lots Of Love,

Today...

Today when I was feeling really down, and wishing I weren't alive and breathing. I got to thinking that it is selfish for me to be thinking like that. It's like I am wishing away my future, my husband, kids, there is so much I am wishing away because of suffering that doesn't even come close to what Jesus Christ went through for me. A sinner in this world. (Not to say I shouldn't morn the loss of my little sister,But instead of letting it consume me make good out of it) My pain compared to His is like comparing a thorn in the foot, and loosing an arm...! I am going to try and be happy through the sadness and look to the future. Think about how happy my husband will be when he see's my smiling face on our wedding day. How happy our kids will be that I am alive and healthy and here to care for them. How happy people will be that I am here to be a friend. So many things to look forward to in life. Jesus, I love you...Thank you. You have opened my eyes. Made me happy, shot the devil down once again. You are truly one amazing savior.... <3

Love your, daughter Alyssa.

Giving Christmas To Annie And Bekah

Hey there everyone :) So I am doing a fundraiser over at Saving Angels for two GORGEOUS little girls, Anastasia & Rebekah. I have three items up for grabs right now! Entree fees ($5-1) ($20-5)
All of the money raised will be divided in half and half will go to Anastasia & the other half to Rebekah! So far we only have on entree of $20 dollars. Could we make the chip in amount raise? Even just $20 dollars more!

Lemme tell you a little about Baby Rebekah.
She turned 2 at the beginning of this year, in January. She has a heart defect, she has an open oval window of 4 mm. Better yet She NEEDS a family someone to save her before she reaches the age of 5. I know the her fifth birthday isn't close, but lets not let it get close. lets give her a family before her next birthday!





And now the little that I know about Anastasia.
Anastasia S.
Date of Birth: July 2007
Gender: Female
Eyes: Gray
Hair: light brown
Character: easily tired, calm


...This is all of the information there is about poor Annie. Because she is a 4 year old who no one has taken the time to love on and get to know. I would kill to be able to love on her! End of next year she will be transferred to a mental institution where she will live the rest of her life. She will be heavily medicated, and tied to a bed....All.Day.Long. She most likely wont survive her first year. Lets saving Annie, and Bekah. lets give them a better chance at life. If you would donate just $5 dollars it would mean the world! So head over to Saving Angels, and help save these little girls.

Alyssa.

Something To Ponder.

As my family and I were sitting in the living room for family prayer before bed, I got to thinking.
We have prayed for many families who have lost, siblings, children, moms and dads, aunts and uncles. We prayed for healing and comfort, and for the pain to ease even just a little. We didn't quite understand there pain. So it was an easy prayer to pray. But eventually that prayer faded as if their sadness,pain,depression,sorrow,anger, and loneliness had all just suddenly disappeared. As if they didn't need that prayer. But since going through loosing Addison and realizing how every thought I have she is there. Every breath I breathe, every blink of my eyes, every step I take my emotions change. From being sad to angry at God for taking her. To Depression and wondering how life could possibly go on, to just balling my eyes out. Realizing how that prayer is still needed and always will be needed. How many times during the day I text friends, and other Godly women and ask for prayer, peace, and comfort. I now realize what the other families go through. For example a family my mom knows the Proud family, a year ago they lost there daughter Rebekah who was almost 2 years old. Or the Kligmann family who lost there 12 year old daughter Rachel 3 years ago. The Potvin family who lost there 9 year old daughter Ellie to cancer who had a twin named Grace. There are so many families who have big wholes in their hearts, because they have lost someone who meant so much. They now realize how delicate life is and how we need to cherish every week,day,hour,minute, and second. Life is to precious to waste. They all need prayer and comfort. The memories of that loved one is still there, a reminder. The happy moments, filled with laughter, smiles, and kisses. Then there is the day we all wish we could forget. The day they all went to be with Jesus. The day no one wants to remember. There are so many psychical reminders that we all wish weren't here. A pain that will never completely go away, but will only with time loose some of it's edge.

When I think of the morning, we lost Addison...I wish I weren't alive, I wish I were in a deep sleep that I will never wake up from. Nothing can make it go away, with everything I do she is in my mind. I just wish she were here. Prayer is something NEEDED in this time and for the rest of my life there will be many countless time that I will ask for prayer for this situation. I am going to make it a point to keep those families in my prayers. Show them the unconditional love I have been shown in this time.

God is all knowing and all powerful. We may not know why he takes our loved ones, or what good will come out of it. But that is where faith, and trust kick in.

Thank you to all who have prayed for me and my family in this time. If you would all keep the families I listed in your prayers and lift them up, ask for comfort peace and joy for those families.

Lots Of Love Alyssa.