Walk On Water

In the Bible there is a story of how Jesus called out to Peter and told Him to step out of the boat, to trust Jesus. Peter steps out in obedience and begins to walk, but when the wind hits his face He begins to doubt, he starts to sink and calls out "Lord, save me!" and Jesus reaches out His hand to rescue Him.

I listened to a sermon tonight where this particular story was explained in a new way.  God speaks direction into our lives and asks that we obediently follow Him, to stay close, to trust Him, to not doubt.  And what is so beautiful of this particular story is that as Peter was sinking and he said "Lord, save me!" Jesus reached out immediately and saved him. Immediately.  Jesus said "You of little faith."  "Why do you doubt?" as He reached in and saved Peter before He sank, not when He had sunk, but as He was sinking.  

Jesus was able to reach out immediately and save Peter because Peter was close enough to be caught in His grip.  Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation church says "The problem with most of us is that we wont stay close enough for God to get us in His grip."  If God calls us to step out of the boat, to walk on the water, to come to Him, He isn't going to let us sink.  He knows what is before as us because He directs our steps.  We have no reason to doubt Jesus because He already knows what obstacles lie ahead, this isn't a surprise to Him.  

When we doubt and take steps backward I can't help but think that God says "What are you doing? Don't you see I called you to this because I know...I know what is good for you, I know the bumps along the way, I know you can walk on water because I said you can. What are you doing, just trust me."  When we stay close to God and follow Him closely we will not sink, we will not perish, we will always be in His grip, safely tucked away. 

This week I am asking myself what is my "Walk On Water" request from The Lord.  Where is He asking me to trust, not doubt, that He is in control and He will save me if I begin to sink.  What is your "Walk On Water" request from the Lord? 

Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church: When Anxiety Attacks

Let Go, Give In, and Turn Back

Photo Cred: Struse Photography

Regardless of how far we fall, we are never too far gone.

This I have learned over the past week, though it really begins three months ago when I began to fall away from Christ. If I'm being honest there is something that pulls back in side me when I talk about this, because I never in a million years thought that I would question my faith.  I have always had a pretty sound (or so I thought) view on who Christ is.  Over the past three months I have grown to shy away from anything that relates to my religion, I wasn't reading my Bible, I didn't go to church, I didn't pray, I stopped everything.  I didn't see a point and became bitter towards it all. Many words could describe the way the atmosphere changed...but I think that the word dark is a good fit.

When you live without Christ, you literally lose a light.  Everything seems purposeless, you have no greater hope to pour into when you need wisdom or direction, you have yourself and that is it.  It's a lonely place to be, but I think that the valleys - the dark, lonely, horrible valleys - are so important.  No, I don't think living a life lost in yourself and living selfishly is important, but I do think it is important to question what you believe and really grasp why you believe it.

Over these last few months I began to think that I would be okay to live the rest of my life lukewarm, halfheartedly giving myself to Christ, but mostly just doing what I wanted.  Because then I only had to answer to myself, I didn't have to do scary things, I didn't have to follow "rules", I didn't have to attend church, I could stay where I was comfortable and live my life the way I had planned.  It seemed glorious in the beginning, to be in charge of my own destiny, until later on down the road when I realized how absolutely pointless and purposeless it was.  You walk through life with only yourself. Having a rough day and need some hope? Well you have yourself.  Discouraged because of health problems? I'm sure you would love to consult yourself for some encouragement. Having nightmares the keep you up? Be your own light because...well... you've shut out everything else.  It's lonely y'all, it's dark, it's not the place the be.

Now I don't say all of this to be negative because there is absolute positive that came from this.  I say this all to show that 1) Selfish living gets you know where. 2) It's OKAY to question what you believe, I'm actually convinced that in some way it's healthy. 3) You're not alone.  I believe in transparency, I think that it helps people not feel so alone to know that - hey, I'm going through that too.

But something that I don't think I realized before is that while it's optional for us to choose the path God has for us, His presence isn't optional.  Even when we walk away, push Him away, fight Him, choose other things over Him, He is still there with us.  He doesn't leave, even though we do. He is constant, He ask us to hard scary things because they are for our benefit and our good...not because He's not capable of doing them Himself, but because he doesn't want us to miss out on the growth.

He is there and He is waiting for us to give up and give in.  He'll reach down and pull us out of the valley, He'll help us make the trek back to the top, He'll remind us that we are valuable prized possessions of the God of the universe and all He ever wanted was for us to choose Him. Because He never left, He never abandon us, and He never stopped loving us. He pursues...over, and over, and over again.

Let go, give in, and turn back.

The Valley

It's been a hot minute since I've written a post. I haven't felt like I've had much to say as I've been in a valley with my walk with Christ. As you all know I'm a big fan of transparency, I think that it helps others feel not so alone to know that we all go through rough patches.

Lately, I've been wrestling with where exactly I stand in my relationship with Christ and what exactly that relationship should look like.  The beginning of the year I hit this place where I wondered what the point  was if I had to make decisions on my own anyways, without truly knowing if it is indeed where God wanted me, why change things in my life if it didn't actually matter.  But since hitting that rough place, or valley as some may call it, I have had the time to reflect and answer big questions to figure out exactly where I stand and what my  relationship with Christ should look like.

I think that it is so absolutely important to not get caught up in the good deeds and good life choices, while it is vital that our lives resemble Christ I think far too many times we get caught up in acts/deeds.  Our choices should reflect Christ, that without a doubt is so true, but I think it's also important to remember that there is absolutely nothing that we can do to be worthy of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us when He died on the cross.  There is no action or lifestyle that can make us "good enough", which is why God's grace and wholeness is here...to make us enough.  In Romans it talks about how we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, we all have mistakes, brokenness, discontentment, discouragement, failures, whatever it may look like...we all have it in some form.

But after much soul searching, question asking, soaking in answers and insight, I've come to realize that there is no specific image for my walk with Christ.  Our walks with Christ all look completely different, as we're all in different seasons and God has different paths for each of us.  We have to decide how our relationship with Christ should look, by reading the Bible and seeking Him He will reveal Himself to each of us and convict us how He sees fit. There are core values and principals, but God convicts each of us differently and it's up to each of us to pursue the Lord and follow the convictions He sends our way.

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Trying to find my place is something else that I have fought with. I have always had a goal or path that I was pursuing and for the first time in my life, I had no direction.  I was lost and discouraged. But lately, again after much seeking, praying, question asking, and soaking in answers and insight, I have learned something:

"The good news about Christ is that you don't always have to be doing something for Him. Sometimes He just wants to sit with you and hold your hand. He understands it when we're too weary to run full-out after Him." - E

My dear friend spoke directly to my heart. God gets it when we're just too weary, when we want to just be content working a part time job, soaking in family time, just being quiet. He gets it and He is okay with it.  Sometimes that is the only thing that He asks of us, is to be quiet, to rest, to let Him work.  To be here now.

I have decided that I am praying contentment over my life, I'm praying that even though God may not be asking me to pursue big things that I can still be content in the everyday, day to day life that He has so graciously blessed me with.  I wish to be like Paul, to take my current life setting and be joyful in every moment, whether it's what I want my life to look like or not.  I am only here to serve as Christ served and that may mean serving at my job while I make pizza for four hours.  Whatever it may be, wherever it may be, Lord make my heart content in a constant state of surrender and praise, following your lead and releasing according to your convictions.

Transparency

I haven't written in weeks, mainly because I can't find words to write.  In the past month I've made big decisions and have also faced some challenges that I have yet to overcome.  Life isn't all daisies and sunshine, though I really wish it was.

I am no longer attending the fall DTS with YWAM.  Yes, again.  After much searching, I've slowly found myself and realized that many things I thought that I wanted...aren't actually what I want.  Full time missions being one of those things. I'm seeing that I don't have the personality or drive to be a full time missionary, I think it's a blessing for me to realize that now, instead of when I'm in the middle of a 6 month long missions trip.  I'm not fully sure what's next for me, though I've put some options on the table.

This past month I've also been struggling with where exactly I stand in my relationship with Christ, which is strange for me to question because I've always been so grounded in what I believe. It's so difficult when you feel like God isn't listening, or responding, it gets discouraging.  I've begun to wonder what exactly the point is, if I have to make choices on my own anyways.  While I know that this is something I will overcome and work through, it has still been so draining.  I have always been one to be transparent with you all, as you have supported me in the many endeavors that I have grasped and ran with, I feel as though I owe it to you all.   While I'm sure that I will get negative comments, I hope that you all will accept this with grace.  Life is hard and messy, relationships with the Lord are hard and messy, because we are human.  We fall short, we make mistakes, we mess up, and it's okay.  Because as it turns out... The Lord loves me regardless of all of that, in fact He openly embraces me even when I push away.

Right now, I'm just coasting. Not running, not walking, just being where I am and taking what comes, because that is honestly all my worn out heart can endure at the moment.  I've started a new job with no real goals, my relationship with the Lord is lacking, and I'm tired, weary, exhausted...aany of the above would suit my current state.  I'm in a rough season of life and I don't know what comes next. Thankfully, none of this is a surprise to The Lord, He knew these things before they came about and He knows what's next.  So while I sit and question Him, exhausted and worn out, I would greatly covet your prayers and encouragement.

With love,
Alyssa